You probably have seen this coming. It is time. It's out of date, it doesn't look all that pretty anymore, and I am losing track of all the spam I've got in the comment-box every day. I am burying this blog here and today, and there will be no more posts on this site. From now until forever you can find my blog and my portfolio page on my website: >>carolinweinkopf.de<<.

So excited I finally did this, and so proud I've done this all by myself. I am still fixing a few bugs, but I love it already. Thank you to all of you for the great support over the past years and I hope to see you >>on the other side<<.

♥


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

This is my sister and I 30 years ago, taken by my mom or my dad.

I turned 30 this week and must say I actually feel pretty good, possibly even better than ever. Of course there are little downsides as always, some of them are so personal that I don't want to talk about them, but all together life is good. Riding the big three feels like an accomplishment, and I can say that I have reached pretty much all my goals since the big two, though I usually don't phrase or stick to them.

A few weeks ago I found my yearbook from graduation and flipped through it, embaressed by a few things, but when I turned to my page, I grinned: When asked where I see myself in ten years, I answered something like this: "I will live in a beautiful Berlin apartment with a black cat and a wonderful man and will be a photographer or journalist or both."

Funny enough my black cat got interchanged with mini-me (much better choice) and I got that man (since seven years, oh my!) and that apartment and that job. And that's actually so much more than I ever imagined. Having made the decision to try to make a living as a photographer after trial and error as a journalist/journalism student for a few years, I was never sure if I would make it. I am so incredibly grateful to myself for making that choice, and to my friends and strangers for encouraging me to follow that path. I am not making big money, but I can support a modest life with a few extras while I feel I have never sold my soul or gave up my ideals on any job (and I swear I won't in the future). I know so little people who are completely happy with what they do, but I can honestly say I am.

When finding out about my pregnancy and even more in the many sleepless months last year with restless mini-me, sometimes I doubted I could ever be a fulltime photographer again. I felt like my talent had vanished and I couldn't imagine that my energy would ever return. Nine months later I look back on some of the most successful months of my career, some of them sleepless still, but I made it and I'm proud. So many people have warned and annoyed me about the "baby trap" and all I can say is that we live in a very supportive country, and even though things aren't always fair and easy, we should be grateful for all the support we get and use it. Even though it was tempting, N and I didn't use his (or my) parental leave for holidays, but for me to find back into work, to recruit jobs and to invest into the time after. And though there are always stupid people who judge you, who don't book you because you're a mom or don't understand why you prefer not to work on weekends or during holidays, or why you aren't willing to work for free, just forget about them and look for other jobs, and don't judge them, because they don't know better. And when I got to the point where I realized this, it was heaven.

When I was younger I was scared of getting older, but now it feels so much better than I ever imagined. Though I definately weigh a few kilograms more than pre-pregnancy, there are lines and grey hairs showing up already, and I dropped my iPhone into the bathtub on my birthday, I have never been as much in peace with myself as now. It takes something to rise my temper these days and usually when things go wrong I stay cool and am sure that everything will be alright.

And so, cheers to the 30. ♥


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

I started about 15 blogposts over the past five (or so) weeks and never got to posting anything. I took some time off of the daily routines, we spent a week in Spain and just got back from five days of family action and for the first time since I own a laptop I decided to leave it at home while travelling and to just enjoy being away without worrying about work, photo editing or blogging. An all new kind of freedom, though having an iphone these days almost feels like carrying my home office around everywhere. Apart from paid work I rarely ever touch my camera anymore, which still feels weird, but I am so so happy with the iphone results that I actually think one day I won't need my camera anymore, for anything, because there is no advantage to it.

I am tired from a late night flight with toddler and actually a bit hung over today, so this is just a vital sign for the moment and I will catch up on life latelies and a few actual photos during the coming week. Plus I will definately write up on travelling with babies soon, because I truly feel I am pretty much a pro by now and can give valuable advice to other parents.

Until then, have a wonderful week, I will be back shortly.


Photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Dear Pentax,

it's been a long love story between you and me. You were the first analogue slr camera I picked up as a teenager and actually felt comfortable with. You were with me from the beginning on. With you, I took my first shaky selfies in the bathroom, back in the US during my exchange school year. I love your handling, I love your look and I love the photos you give me, over and over again.

We went digital together, after our first analogue baby got stolen in southern France. I was always happy with you, and I have never cheated on you. I used you until you died, over and over again. And I recommended you to anyone who asked me for advice on a really good camera. I believe in you. In a really desperate moment right before going to Macedonia in the summer of 2010 when my old baby broke, you even decided the project was worth your support, and you gave me your flagship model camera, for free, and to keep. This christmas, we got myself your newest flagship model, because it felt so right. The noise and the autofocus are so much better, and I'm actually quite happy with it. BUT.

I feel like I need to go fullframe. I am hitting the limits here, and the price was not so low that I could ignore the fact that you crop off all my photos on the outside. You've done that for years, and I thought I didn't mind, but just now that I have used my friend's fullframe camera on a project, I realize what a difference it makes. Why have you slept so long? For the first time in our relationship, I think I might have to break up with you. It breaks my heart. But I feel like you are limiting my potential. Please tell me Pentax, are you going to release a fullframe camera soon? Because if not, I cannot waste my time anymore. I will leave you. And since leaving you will cost me a furtune, when I am gone, I won't come back. I am the only professional photographer I know who doesn't shoot with the big C or N. I am sure there are a few other ones out there, but probably they are losing faith in you, like me. I don't have the time to count on rumors. And I am impatient, because I feel enchained. I was loyal to you for 14 years and I still love you dearly, but why have you slept so long? You really need to start working a bit harder to keep me as your friend. Are you? Or no? Because if no, I will be gone very, very soon. And now Pentax, it's your turn. Tell me, because I'm serious.

Waiting for your response,
Carolin

Happy 2014!

We spent the turn of the year calm and relaxed in Lucerne, Switzerland, with a daytrip of skiing (yay!) and sledding on the 31st and a lovely raclette dinner with friends and friends of friends in the evening. We slept in on the 1st (as long as mini-me let us) and relaxed for two more days, with walks by the lake, good food and good company.







2013 has been a challenging year, with very sad and a very desperate moments, but a lot of lovely memories as well. We lost a loved one to cancer after a long struggle and sadly had to light even more candles on our window sill over the course of the year, plus multiple occasions that made me cry.

Mini-me taught us never to crow too soon, after three months of wonderful, wonderful sleep in the beginning of the year, we learned about sudden high fevers, colics and endless, sleepless nights. I have not slept for more than a few hours in a row since march (!) and never have I been so close to my limits, mentally and physically. It's crazy how important sleep is, and never did I know this until now. I feel like I have gotten rusty over these crazy past nine months, I have grown grey hair, I have gained weight, I have become grumpy. The past weeks have been a tiny bit better and I am optimistic that we have turned the corner, but I am definately not sure (as I have thought so multiple times already and got disappointed, and the past two nights have been incredibly painful).




As bad as our nights are, the days are bright. If mini-me processes all of his negative energy during the nights, he has none left for the days. He's the happiest baby toddler, blinking and smiling, hugging and loving. We are incredibly lucky and grateful. And when we are out and about, I am the happiest person on this very planet.



2013 was also a year of travelling: We went to India for two weeks, to Oxford twice, had beach vacations at Lake Müritz and Lake Constance, two weeks in Catalunya, spent a week in Oman and a few days in Istanbul. Most of our traveling contained work for me and I am so happy to be back photographing, and actually it was one of my best and most successful years so far. Though I don't feel like I am back at 100% just yet. I guess that's ok, but I still wish it wasn't so. Thinking back, my lecture in Oxford in January, tuktuk riding with my favourite driver in New Delhi in March, asking a totally perplex Lily to be mini-me's godmother in August, walking through the Catalan woods breathing deep in September and being on a boat encircled by hundreds of dolphins in Oman in November have been some of my favourite and treasured memories.







This hasn't been my favourite year personally, but a good one. I am incredibly thankful for my little family and am sure that once the sleep comes back I will be able to look totally different at the adventures of 2013.

My new year's resolution is to look more positive on everything and to relax when I can. Insomnia has built up a tension I've never known, and my goal is to find back to my positive, optimistic and happy self. Maybe some yoga will do. Amen.

(I also want to read more, eat better, start working out, see my friends more often and YES, I want to sleep more!)

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

Time is running, we're battling sickness and lack of sleep, juggling daily errands, work and life as good as possible, it's as chaotic as it can be - but especially in this cold, stormy, foggy weather that makes me thoughful and melancholic, I am thankful for a lot of things that have gone well this year. And there's a tiny trooper reminding me daily what we fight for, and hey, that's the best proof that life is great after all. I have big plans for the next year and am grateful for the last, even though things aren't always as perfect, that's something I've had to learn in the past months.

I am taking off to see the grandparents this week and we'll spend New Year's in Switzerland, and as always I might be pretty much offline during the holidays because my mom refuses to get wi-fi (though we're thinking of solving that issue this year, shhhhh!).

Last week I went to take pictures in my favourite weather, fog (!) at the Holiday Market next to Alexa in Mitte. What a magical scenery, almost like Skopje, a bit. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. All I want for Christmas is SLEEP! ♥








All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

It's gotten silent around here and though I never wanted this to happen, it just did. I'm pretty much a fulltime mama these days, carrying my big baby around, pushing the stroller through Berlin, diapering, feeding, caring and chasing after a fresh crawler and, oh well, not sleeping too much. My intellectual power is at an all time low and whenever I do have time, I use it to cuddle up with N., to see my dear friends, to catch up on sleep or to read a few lines before getting tired.

Only a few more days before I'll have permanent help (in words: Lily) around here which will hopefully lead to a bit more time for photography outside the house, the energy to tell stories, to capture them and to write along. I try to enjoy every breath of this summer and collect as many memories as possible - in September I'll be back in business with mini-me starting daycare (I'm terrified - he's not!), oh my.

I am hoping to find back into the blog and will fill the past few weeks with posts over time. Until then, excuse-me.


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Today's a big day. Not only is my mom turning 50 today, but also, it's mini-me's 5 months birthday. Both pretty exciting, so please raise your glasses for these two beautiful and wonderful people. You're both some of my all time favourites, ever <3.

(Mom, so sad I can't be there for tonight's celebration and especially the FOOD. But I'll come by really, really soon.)



Photos: Carolin Weinkopf

Mini-me and I are flying to the UK tomorrow and I'll be the judge for a little photography competition at Oxford's St. Peter's College. I'm really excited and curious for the entries, capturing "Dignity".


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

2013 has been quite a weird year so far, I am trying to sort all sorts of new circumstances into my mind. Please bare with me. I'll be back shortly.


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf