I skipped these for a few weeks, because I was either so busy I couldn't sit down and properly phrase a few sentences and pick out the best photos, or I was so relaxed that I didn't want to poison it with reflection. Sorry.

The past weeks have been so up and down and good and bad that I can't even remember really, it's all in a blur. Mini-me has been healthy since April (!) and we have been basically sucking up life as much as possible. I worked a bit less after weeks of total exhaustion. I had a solo exhibition at the officewarming party of an NGO in Berlin. We went to >>Lisa<<'s housewarming and my friend K's 30th birthday. I had dinner and loads of wine at Cordobar for a revival of >>#40DAYSOFEATING<< with >>Lisa<< and >>Maria & Sophia<<. We went home to see the grandparents for a few days, splashing around in my mom's green backyard, ran through the zoo chasing baby goats with my dad and little sibblings, had a Chinese dinner with mini-me's greatgrandmother, explored the woods and went to a babtizing in Stuttgart. I turned 30 and had a little party at home. We taught mini-me how to properly cheer at soccer games. The past weekend, we finally bought a second bike, went to the pool and biked over Tempelhofer Feld (thank you Berlin for voting right!).

Also, it's day two >>without mini-me<< and damn! I must admit, it's heaven! I thought I would miss him like crazy, which of course I do... But last night I slept from 12:30 am until 9:30 am! NO interruption, noone jumping on my face or slapping my butt to wake me up. Just me and a snorring N next to me. Heaven. Also, when working yesterday, I had to grin at the clock. It was 4 pm, and no picking up to do! I worked straight until eight, then watched soccer with my friend J (what a game, while I was bored out of my mind, she fell asleep), uninterrupted. It felt like incredible freedom to make dinner when I was hungry, to eat it hot and not to have someone sitting on my lap smearing oliveoil on my new sweater or spreating cottage cheese over the floor.

From day two's perspective I can definately recommend this break. It's not holidays, but it's a little field trip into life before the birth. And that life was amazing. I'm not saying life is not amazing now, it's richer and more fullfilling definately, but also stuffed with annoyment, fatigue and compromises. I wouldn't switch back ever, even if I could, but this little "trip" into the past does give me a boost. I love it. And I'm enjoying it until the very last second. And I might do this more often from now on.

Thanks to mini-me's caretaker for giving me lively updates like this: "He has been chasing mini-pigs since our arrival, ate an excessive dinner and is now fast asleep. Enjoy your time off, because he is well taken care of."

I will.

















































All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone (except of the picture of me on the bike, that's taken by Rosie Ubacher)

My days all look the same. I work from early morning to late night, edit, adjust, select. I love the days where I go out and shoot portraits, and that is my main job and income these days. There are no real travel plans on paper, and maybe that's ok. I still hope to make it to Madrid before Lily leaves in July and there is a vague plan to visit Southern Italy and Southwest France this summer, but I feel like I can't book flights or make commitments just yet.

I try to take a week or two off of sitting in front of my laptop this month, but I am not sure that I can. Things cross off my to-do-list too slowly and when I hurry, my clients often take their time.

A big mark yet to cross off is to finally update my website with all the recent work I've done. I feel like I need a bit of empty space in front of me to do so, because I want to do this whole-hearted.

I worry a lot that what I do is not good enough. But actually, these past months have showed me that it doesn't need a big journey or a spectacular event to deliver a good photograph. Maybe we can just take the time and sit still a bit, reflecting on what we really want, before throwing ourselves into the wild again. Mini-me is so grown up already. I just want to be here and watch him. That's all I want for now.


















All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

I had a crazy week with lots of shoots and a trip to Dresden and Leipzig included, meaning I slept all by myself, all night, non-interrupted with no toddler sitting on my face when waking up (and that's for a whole night, I swear). It was great, and at the same time I felt very lonely and sad. Being a mom really is quite a weird thing to be honest. I won't go into detail on this today though.

Being away for almost 48 hours, I was attached to my camera and iPhone, snapping photos all day, sucking up all the impressions and using my relative freedom to see and do as much as I could, besides the job I did for a client there. I spammed my instagram followers with photos of the cities, my beautiful airbnb apartment and everything else I saw and found to be interesting (or not). God damn, who thought I would get so excited about such a relatively small trip?! Life changes, every day. Haha.

I have been dipping deep into my harddrives over the course of the week, cleaned up my desktop and folders (part of my procrastination of working on what I really need to work on), found a trillion beautiful yet unpublished photos and plan to post a few things shortly. I am very annoyed my blog seems to only consist of life latelys lately, and my main goal for the weeks to come is to fill it more with actual projects I've shot (and I have!), real camera photography and also a few more text-based posts that have been waiting unfinished in the pipe for months ähm, weeks.

Easter has been very calm, we spent the evenings with friends and good home-cooked food and spent the days in the sunshine not doing much but enjoying being together.

2014 has been a rough one on me and my little family so far and we are trying very hard to convince karma to be on our side again in the future. Never did I realize to value health and relative stability and security as much as I should have. I guess I am just getting old (soon to be 30, oh my!), but things do need to be a bit in order to insure the flow. This might sound quite dramatic and it's not, but a lot of stuff happening around me has kept me worrying for weeks and though there has been tons of relief besides a lot of worries, my heart beats a bit faster these days because I've been stessing over things way too much. Just a reminder for myself to start yoga again (like, next week?), relax and breathe deep. (And sleep. Yes.)

































All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Today it's no words, just pictures.















All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

N and mini-me have caught the chickenpox and I (immune) have not left the apartment in almost a week, squeezing work in wherever possible while trying not to burst out in tears over all of this. The outside shots were taken last wednesday, on the way to a job. Shortly after, I found the first blisters on my baby. Dear 2014, please stop being so damn sick. The only good news are that I am going to Dresden and Leipzig for two days next week, sans bébé, but working around the clock.

(I am annoying myself with all the "we're sick... blabla..." updates. Seriously. From next week on, we'll be healthy and happy ever after.)








All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

So after the sick week follows an almost healthy one. I worked my ass off these past days to catch up and actually got most of my stuff done. I spent a sunny saturday on a boat crusing Müggelsee and the lakes around with a group of drunken girls, which was absolutely amazing and so (!) relaxing. April will be good to me job-wise and will even involve a little bit of travelling. While editing the past week's photo shoots, I'm boosting my immune system with yellow, red and green smoothies and I really enjoy the beautiful weather outside. My eye is still red and swallen, but I hide it behind dark shades and just hope it's getting better soon. Have a wonderful week and stay healthy, y'all.

(And mini-me slept through the night last night. Believe it or not.)








All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Ten days of sick mini-me have tied my hands last week and explain why I am one week late on life-latelies. The week was totally uneventful and exhausting, though I just love cuddeling up all day so what's there to complain? Sigh... Now I have caught my share of an eye infection, so hi there, sickness, once again.







All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone (vsco and/or instagram)

After a beautiful, sunny week with lots of outside time, some amazing shoots, a first slight sunburn from trying to steer steering a kite on Tempelhofer Feld alongside my lovely friend >>Lisa<<, it got cold and uncomfortable again. And of course, the weather swing made us sick, once again. Mini-me has an eye infection and an ugly cold and my throat is itching already, again. Sh*§! So once again, we are home, drinking lots of ginger tea and cuddling up. But what makes all that a bit more bearable is the one highlight of the past week: N. is back. Mini-me's reactions to being reunited with his beloved dad made my eyes watery and it is so so nice to be patched back up as the little family we are. We have been celebrating ever since.

Mini-me went to the potty for the very first time ever this morning and was so, so proud of his deeds. We are not planning to get through with this anytime soon, but it is so nice that he actually made the first step here and seemed so very happy about it. His new things are singing and dancing these days, my favourite toddler milestones so far! He definately got the groove, something I sadly can't say about myself. His tempers have calmed down a lot and he is very easy going and loving right now. I even dared to take a few walks with him this week and he neither tried to jump in the canal nor did he eat any dog poop. Yay!

I have some exciting jobs in the pipe and am happy to get back to getting things done for work now that I am not a single parent no more. Now we just all need to be more healthy. We are also planning a few days in Madrid sometime in April to visit >>Lily<< and are more than grateful for any insides or tips you might want to share in the comments... thanks!

(And a huge thanks to my friend >>Carmi<< who made it possible for me to blog today, because she managed to take mini-me on a romantic little date with her. Thank you, love!)












All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Besides a ton of work (and a bit of procrastination), a few nervous breakdowns about the CHAOS in the house and the arrival of SPRING in Berlin (!!), last week was dominated by huge milestones my chubby baby toddler took. Mini-me is a bit late with about everything, a late crawler, walker, teether and talker (except of mama, papa and HAAAALLLOOO which was actually his first real word, months ago!) - but last week he just started talking like a champ. I don't mind him being late at all, but I sometimes got frustrated when all my playing and teaching and reading let to absolutely no reaction with him, so this is quite huge.

Within a week he learnt so many words (favourite: "more" and "hiiiiiiiigh" - expecting me to yell "five" and high-five him) and a bunch of animal sounds, with his favourite being the pig's oink - a lovely favourite, indeed. He started jumping on the bed and falling over into the pillows on purpose, loughing dirty like an old drunken man, expressing his needs wants quite specifically, exploring his body more and more (with his belly-button being his favourite, no question: that's my favourite, too) and also (sigh!) really realizing that his dad has been missing for quite a while now. This is especially precious and heart-breaking at the same time. Whenever I open my laptop, mini-me comes running and whispers "papapapapapapapapa", looking at me with his big, dark eyes, expecting N. to pop up on screen via Skype. When N. is actually there, he hugs and pets and kisses the screen, even sharing his snacks with his dad's virtual face. ♥















All photos: Carolin Weinkopd via iPhone

And another two busy weeks have passed by in a twinkle. I took a little time out after some crazy weeks of work but got knocked down by a terrible flu and am still not back in shape all the way. You know taking care of a crazy toddler doesn't really give you the chance to recover when sick. Argh.

My mom sponsored mini-me and I a pricy flight to come visit the family over the weekend, to recover and to introduce mini-me to karneval (though he only wore his supercute lady bug costume for about five minutes and wasn't all that into it...). Today is the first day I finally feel significantly better (but still quite far from good). I really hope I will be back on track within the next few days and am so happy that mini-me's immune system seems to fight more efficient than mine these days. I have a lot of recent work and some features in the pipe and am excited to share over the course of the week. Happy tuesday and you all stay healthy, please!



















All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone