I had countless discussions about this with friends and strangers, but I personally never doubted that mini-me will be totally fine during his five day stay with his daycare group on a farmstead somewhere near Berlin.

Today I started doubting (but not really). He's leaving tomorrow. And I miss him already. I packed a pair of wings for him. Sigh.


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Dear Mini-me,

you are one and a half today. After 10 days of bronchitis, an additional superinfection with nasty bacteria, an eye infection, four doctor visits and a whole lot of non-loved medicine, you are finally ok again. I am so exhausted from the past week and a half that I don't find the right words to write you a long and loving letter.

But I love you, dearly. More and more, every day. From now until forever.

♥

Dear Mini-me,

the apartment is a mess. I have been working too much too late lately and I don't even care. It's a charming chaos. The laundry piles up and in the mornings I get worried not to find anything clean to dress you with. When I pick you up from daycare, you smile and wink at me. Instead of leaving, you invite me to join in the fun. Jump in the ball bath, crawl in the box or climb on the slide. To any question I ask you, you say yes, nod, and twinkle, again. When we pass the playground on the way home but don't stop, you start grouching loudly, kicking my butt from behind. When you are on top of the slide, ready to throw yourself down, you wink at me again. Reassuring yourself that I see how grown up you are, already. And I see it. Damn.

While taking my shower in the morning, you try to climb into the tub. You pull the curtain to the side and we echo each other's "heeeelllooooo". Back and forth. You babble all day. Sometimes, when I pause when reading your bedtime story, you just continue narrating in Chinese. You have started to copy the lullabies I sing to you. You clap and cheer me on. Sometimes my eyes get watery, because I just can't bare how fast you grow. While I wait until you fall asleep, you twinkle to check if am still there, looking at you. In the mornings, when I am still asleep, you sit down on my face to make sure that I don't sleep while you are awake. I might miss something. And you are right.

Mini-me, I love you so.






All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

12 1/2 months ago when mini-me started dribbling for the first time, I was 100% sure his first tooth was on its way. Well, more than a year later, we're still waiting over here. It's become a routine to feel his gums every other day, especially during sleepless nights or clingy days. Today he was really happy and smiling and I saw a little bright line on his gum (it's been swallen for a while, but I swear, over a year ago, it was aswell!). So I did my mandatory gum-touch and, oh my, there is a incisor corner on the way. No more gummy smiles? I'm almost sad!

Edit: There's two teeth coming!! And they are fast! OMG! Three!


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Mini-me has been growing like weed lately. He is standing on his own for a few moments now and will walk a few steps if you cheer him up properly. He talks in full sentences (in Chinese, of course) and even makes proper phonecalls. He also slept almost through the whole night a few times in the past week (this topic has been extra tough for us in the past - like - seven months?!). I can't believe the tiny newborn has grown into a person in such little time. Love.


Photo: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Dear Mini-Me,

one year ago I thought I'd die. It had been almost two days since my water broke, two weeks before your due date, I had been in inducted labour for almost 24 hours, I had been moved from the oh so natural birth house to the oh so hated hospital - and still you didn't seem to get out.

I was absolutely desperate at that very moment, starting to give up on myself, as my body appeared to be incapable to birth you. I have no idea how it eventually happened, with a lot of help of the doctors and midwives and two of the dearest people in my life, and a miraculous well of strength in absolutely dispaired exhaustion.

But suddenly, you were there, like you had always been. You were perfect, you were healthy, and you were mine. For minutes, you looked at me like a wise, old man, as if you already new it all, like you had already lived.

The past 365 days have been the most beautiful and the most exhausting of my life. I have learned to value time in a way I could never imagine before. I have grown quite a few grey hairs. I have never slept so little, I have never been so tired, ever before. Never in my life have joy and desperation been so close together. I have never been so proud of something I have accomplished as of you.

You are one year old today. You are the happiest baby I know. You are lively and social, you smile all day, you flirt with strangers on the street, you scream of joy and you have a very dirty laugh. You are shameless and demanding, you know exactly what you want and you are very skilled in getting there, no matter how. You steal hearts all the time. You give wet kisses to everyone you get a hold of. You have inspired friends and strangers to make babies. You tickle smiles out of miserable people. You can never sit still, wiggling and jiggling around. You have the most beautiful, (still!) toothless smile. You love dancing and you use everything as a phone. You are about to take your first shaky steps, to form your first proper words and truly start exploring the world around you. You drive me crazy. You make me proud. I love you so.

Happy Birthday, Mini-Me.

♥

















All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

Today is officially the last day of my parental leave, and my heart is officially broken.

We spent a few hours on the playground today, digging in the sand, stealing bits of banana from other kids and making new friends. For once I am glad that I'm self-employed, because I'll be able spend more time with Anton while working in my dream job than a lot of other parents I know, even though this might mean I will have to push occasional (or even many) nightshifts to keep up with my workload.

Just a couple days ago, he turned 11 months. He is crawling (I call it crabbing, because he is pretty much a freestyle crawler - sitting up, one leg in the front, one in the back, sometimes surfing on a newspaper or a piece of clothing, which makes him reeeeaaally really fast), pulling up on anything he can get a hold of, standing, walking with help and talking up a storm (especially when a phone is near, his favourite thing to do is making phone calls). The nights have finally gotten a bit smoother since I stopped nursing at night, which took a lot of discipline, patience and broke my heart even more. But we finally do sleep more than one or two hours in a row, and being not so short on sleep makes us all a whole lot happier during the day. Our apartment looks like hurricane Anton just sweeped through, I find sand in my socks and underwear in the evenings and we all fall into bed nearly dead at night.

I am optimistic for the next weeks, life is good once again. And I am really quite excited about all the jobs waiting for me, with a bunch of actor's portraits, some documentary work and some traveling involved as well.






All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

We've been having a wonderful, relaxed summer in Berlin, with a few getaways within Germany, lots of family, friends, fleamarkets, enjoying good food and company and, unfortunately, almost no sleep.

We are two weeks away from a whole new situation, with our lovely (lovely!!) au pair Lily leaving and mini-me starting daycare with a wonderful older Lady and four great other kids. I am split into two when it comes to emotions about this, so happy we are moving on and so, so sad that mini-me is growing up and getting independent. I already know that he will truly enjoy spending half of the day with other kids, going on adventures and testing his bounderies.

My tiny baby has grown into a charming socializer, my hormones are pretty much gone and I am ready to move on, to start being myself again besides being a mother and though I am sad to confess this, we are both ready for this step. I will be traveling and shooting again this fall, N. will stay home as a full time dad a few weeks, there will be more time for us and for work and life goes on.








All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

The reason I haven't been posting much lately is probably obvious, mini-me, 7 months old, has turned into a roaring tiger (toothless, still), I'm quite short on sleep these days and the few jobs I am doing right now are absorbing all my very little free time and energy.

I went home for a few days last week to celebrate my dad's 50th birthday and catch up on some sleep while my and N's family took care of the baby. Seven hours of sleep in a row can do lots of magic, but they can't make up for weeks short on sleep.

Mini-me started sitting up straight yesterday and I am really, really optimistic he'll start crawling soon, hoping he'll be a bit (!) less frustrated about his current unability to do things on his own whilest he wants to so, so bad. Fingers crossed.

(I am preparing for a photo workshop at Oxford University, will be photo-documenting a young female politician during the next few months and will finish the second India post soon. And, actually, have you seen our group exhibition "Siehste, jeht doch!" at Haus am Kleistpark? You should! It's on until June 2nd.)









All photos: Carolin Weinkopf

A few days after returning from India we've started feeding solids to mini-me.

As he's not a great fan of mash, I feed him real food most of the time, like chunks of banana, apple, carrot or fennel (based on a method called "baby led weaning"). It's a huge mess and demands constant attention, but we have so much fun.










All photos: Carolin Weinkopf