ICH SEH DAS SO. (Carolin Weinkopf Photography.) : comments

hallo carolin, ich bin über susanne mierau, über ihre facebook-seite auf deinen blog-post...

selina (guest) — 2014-08-27T11:55:10Z

hallo carolin,
ich bin über susanne mierau, über ihre facebook-seite auf deinen blog-post gekommen... http://carolinweinkopf.de/vereinbarkeit
und habe entdeckt, dass dein sohn genau einen tag vor meinem sohn auf die welt gekommen ist. und dass dein freund/mann genau einen tag vor meinem freund geburtstag hat. öööhm, spooky, oder?
aber zum glück bis du nicht am 18. juli geboren, sonst wäre das sehr sehr sehr unheimlich!
alles gute, selina

Good-bye ICH SEH DAS SO.

careaux — 2014-07-13T11:59:00Z

You probably have seen this coming. It is time. It's out of date, it doesn't look all that pretty anymore, and I am losing track of all the spam I've got in the comment-box every day. I am burying this blog here and today, and there will be no more posts on this site. From now until forever you can find my blog and my portfolio page on my website: >>carolinweinkopf.de<<.

So excited I finally did this, and so proud I've done this all by myself. I am still fixing a few bugs, but I love it already. Thank you to all of you for the great support over the past years and I hope to see you >>on the other side<<.

♥

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Life Lately - Best Of #19 - #26/52

careaux — 2014-07-01T08:07:00Z

I skipped these for a few weeks, because I was either so busy I couldn't sit down and properly phrase a few sentences and pick out the best photos, or I was so relaxed that I didn't want to poison it with reflection. Sorry.

The past weeks have been so up and down and good and bad that I can't even remember really, it's all in a blur. Mini-me has been healthy since April (!) and we have been basically sucking up life as much as possible. I worked a bit less after weeks of total exhaustion. I had a solo exhibition at the officewarming party of an NGO in Berlin. We went to >>Lisa<<'s housewarming and my friend K's 30th birthday. I had dinner and loads of wine at Cordobar for a revival of >>#40DAYSOFEATING<< with >>Lisa<< and >>Maria & Sophia<<. We went home to see the grandparents for a few days, splashing around in my mom's green backyard, ran through the zoo chasing baby goats with my dad and little sibblings, had a Chinese dinner with mini-me's greatgrandmother, explored the woods and went to a babtizing in Stuttgart. I turned 30 and had a little party at home. We taught mini-me how to properly cheer at soccer games. The past weekend, we finally bought a second bike, went to the pool and biked over Tempelhofer Feld (thank you Berlin for voting right!).

Also, it's day two >>without mini-me<< and damn! I must admit, it's heaven! I thought I would miss him like crazy, which of course I do... But last night I slept from 12:30 am until 9:30 am! NO interruption, noone jumping on my face or slapping my butt to wake me up. Just me and a snorring N next to me. Heaven. Also, when working yesterday, I had to grin at the clock. It was 4 pm, and no picking up to do! I worked straight until eight, then watched soccer with my friend J (what a game, while I was bored out of my mind, she fell asleep), uninterrupted. It felt like incredible freedom to make dinner when I was hungry, to eat it hot and not to have someone sitting on my lap smearing oliveoil on my new sweater or spreating cottage cheese over the floor.

From day two's perspective I can definately recommend this break. It's not holidays, but it's a little field trip into life before the birth. And that life was amazing. I'm not saying life is not amazing now, it's richer and more fullfilling definately, but also stuffed with annoyment, fatigue and compromises. I wouldn't switch back ever, even if I could, but this little "trip" into the past does give me a boost. I love it. And I'm enjoying it until the very last second. And I might do this more often from now on.

Thanks to mini-me's caretaker for giving me lively updates like this: "He has been chasing mini-pigs since our arrival, ate an excessive dinner and is now fast asleep. Enjoy your time off, because he is well taken care of."

I will.

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone (except of the picture of me on the bike, that's taken by Rosie Ubacher)

We ♥ Madrid.

careaux — 2014-06-30T13:45:00Z

Three weeks ago mini-me and I spent a week in Madrid. To make it a real vacation I left my computer at home and only took one camera battery and one lens.

It all started with a heartattack, because the airport bus got stuck in traffic behind an accident on one of Berlin's busiest road crossings, and it couldn't turn and neither could we get out to catch a taxi. Mentally I had already said good bye to our trip, but we magically made it to the counter when they were just about to close. Spain welcomed us with blue skys and puffy clouds, temperatures were perfect and our hosts could not have been better.

The week was totally easy going, slow and relaxed. All we did was walk around a whole lot, hung out on playgrounds most of the day making Spanish friends, we bought some non-touristy souvenirs, we went to the public pool, to the park and to the Prado Museum. (And we saw Woody Allen in the underground! See pictures below...)

I can't say that we had a very eventful week, but it was wonderful, because my mind was empty, all work and worries were in Berlin, while we just lived day by day in Madrid. The very best thing about it all was spending time with our favourite person >>Lily<<, who was so kind to make room for us (and dinner every night...) in her charming apartment and her lovely roommate, Sophia.

Possibly one of the best trips in a while. ♥

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone (except of the portrait of me, that's taken by Lily!)

Five days.

careaux — 2014-06-29T21:59:00Z

I had countless discussions about this with friends and strangers, but I personally never doubted that mini-me will be totally fine during his five day stay with his daycare group on a farmstead somewhere near Berlin.

Today I started doubting (but not really). He's leaving tomorrow. And I miss him already. I packed a pair of wings for him. Sigh.

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Dear Caro, ich hoffe, mein 30-jähriges Ich ist ansatzweise so schön (,) positiv...

Anne (guest) — 2014-06-28T17:42:03Z

Dear Caro,

ich hoffe, mein 30-jähriges Ich ist ansatzweise so schön (,) positiv und cool, wie du es bist. Noch bleiben mir knapp acht Jahre...

Go on and all the best,
A.

About life.

careaux — 2014-06-27T13:47:00Z

This is my sister and I 30 years ago, taken by my mom or my dad.

I turned 30 this week and must say I actually feel pretty good, possibly even better than ever. Of course there are little downsides as always, some of them are so personal that I don't want to talk about them, but all together life is good. Riding the big three feels like an accomplishment, and I can say that I have reached pretty much all my goals since the big two, though I usually don't phrase or stick to them.

A few weeks ago I found my yearbook from graduation and flipped through it, embaressed by a few things, but when I turned to my page, I grinned: When asked where I see myself in ten years, I answered something like this: "I will live in a beautiful Berlin apartment with a black cat and a wonderful man and will be a photographer or journalist or both."

Funny enough my black cat got interchanged with mini-me (much better choice) and I got that man (since seven years, oh my!) and that apartment and that job. And that's actually so much more than I ever imagined. Having made the decision to try to make a living as a photographer after trial and error as a journalist/journalism student for a few years, I was never sure if I would make it. I am so incredibly grateful to myself for making that choice, and to my friends and strangers for encouraging me to follow that path. I am not making big money, but I can support a modest life with a few extras while I feel I have never sold my soul or gave up my ideals on any job (and I swear I won't in the future). I know so little people who are completely happy with what they do, but I can honestly say I am.

When finding out about my pregnancy and even more in the many sleepless months last year with restless mini-me, sometimes I doubted I could ever be a fulltime photographer again. I felt like my talent had vanished and I couldn't imagine that my energy would ever return. Nine months later I look back on some of the most successful months of my career, some of them sleepless still, but I made it and I'm proud. So many people have warned and annoyed me about the "baby trap" and all I can say is that we live in a very supportive country, and even though things aren't always fair and easy, we should be grateful for all the support we get and use it. Even though it was tempting, N and I didn't use his (or my) parental leave for holidays, but for me to find back into work, to recruit jobs and to invest into the time after. And though there are always stupid people who judge you, who don't book you because you're a mom or don't understand why you prefer not to work on weekends or during holidays, or why you aren't willing to work for free, just forget about them and look for other jobs, and don't judge them, because they don't know better. And when I got to the point where I realized this, it was heaven.

When I was younger I was scared of getting older, but now it feels so much better than I ever imagined. Though I definately weigh a few kilograms more than pre-pregnancy, there are lines and grey hairs showing up already, and I dropped my iPhone into the bathtub on my birthday, I have never been as much in peace with myself as now. It takes something to rise my temper these days and usually when things go wrong I stay cool and am sure that everything will be alright.

And so, cheers to the 30. ♥

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

And yes: I'm alive.

careaux — 2014-06-22T21:50:00Z

I started about 15 blogposts over the past five (or so) weeks and never got to posting anything. I took some time off of the daily routines, we spent a week in Spain and just got back from five days of family action and for the first time since I own a laptop I decided to leave it at home while travelling and to just enjoy being away without worrying about work, photo editing or blogging. An all new kind of freedom, though having an iphone these days almost feels like carrying my home office around everywhere. Apart from paid work I rarely ever touch my camera anymore, which still feels weird, but I am so so happy with the iphone results that I actually think one day I won't need my camera anymore, for anything, because there is no advantage to it.

I am tired from a late night flight with toddler and actually a bit hung over today, so this is just a vital sign for the moment and I will catch up on life latelies and a few actual photos during the coming week. Plus I will definately write up on travelling with babies soon, because I truly feel I am pretty much a pro by now and can give valuable advice to other parents.

Until then, have a wonderful week, I will be back shortly.

Photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Cute.

Mareice (guest) — 2014-06-04T11:13:11Z

Oh, ist das schön. Bild und Text.
Ich freu mich schon auf unser Kennenlernen.
Mareice

Close Up: Lisa Rank.

careaux — 2014-05-13T14:33:00Z

Two years ago I shot Lisa for Berlin Verlag, just recently I visited her in her new flat in Kreuzberg and did something like a homestory of her - and I even wrote her portrait (something I used to do ALL THE TIME but haven't in what... five years?!).

Lisa's Close Up is the beginning of an ongoing collaboration with the new business platform EDITION F. You can see the published story here (Betacode: Launch2014), find below my personal favourites from this lovely day.

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf for EDITION F

Life lately. 17+18/52

careaux — 2014-05-06T10:33:00Z

My days all look the same. I work from early morning to late night, edit, adjust, select. I love the days where I go out and shoot portraits, and that is my main job and income these days. There are no real travel plans on paper, and maybe that's ok. I still hope to make it to Madrid before Lily leaves in July and there is a vague plan to visit Southern Italy and Southwest France this summer, but I feel like I can't book flights or make commitments just yet.

I try to take a week or two off of sitting in front of my laptop this month, but I am not sure that I can. Things cross off my to-do-list too slowly and when I hurry, my clients often take their time.

A big mark yet to cross off is to finally update my website with all the recent work I've done. I feel like I need a bit of empty space in front of me to do so, because I want to do this whole-hearted.

I worry a lot that what I do is not good enough. But actually, these past months have showed me that it doesn't need a big journey or a spectacular event to deliver a good photograph. Maybe we can just take the time and sit still a bit, reflecting on what we really want, before throwing ourselves into the wild again. Mini-me is so grown up already. I just want to be here and watch him. That's all I want for now.

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Life lately. 16/52

careaux — 2014-04-22T18:56:00Z

I had a crazy week with lots of shoots and a trip to Dresden and Leipzig included, meaning I slept all by myself, all night, non-interrupted with no toddler sitting on my face when waking up (and that's for a whole night, I swear). It was great, and at the same time I felt very lonely and sad. Being a mom really is quite a weird thing to be honest. I won't go into detail on this today though.

Being away for almost 48 hours, I was attached to my camera and iPhone, snapping photos all day, sucking up all the impressions and using my relative freedom to see and do as much as I could, besides the job I did for a client there. I spammed my instagram followers with photos of the cities, my beautiful airbnb apartment and everything else I saw and found to be interesting (or not). God damn, who thought I would get so excited about such a relatively small trip?! Life changes, every day. Haha.

I have been dipping deep into my harddrives over the course of the week, cleaned up my desktop and folders (part of my procrastination of working on what I really need to work on), found a trillion beautiful yet unpublished photos and plan to post a few things shortly. I am very annoyed my blog seems to only consist of life latelys lately, and my main goal for the weeks to come is to fill it more with actual projects I've shot (and I have!), real camera photography and also a few more text-based posts that have been waiting unfinished in the pipe for ~~months~~ ähm, weeks.

Easter has been very calm, we spent the evenings with friends and good home-cooked food and spent the days in the sunshine not doing much but enjoying being together.

2014 has been a rough one on me and my little family so far and we are trying very hard to convince karma to be on our side again in the future. Never did I realize to value health and relative stability and security as much as I should have. I guess I am just getting old (soon to be 30, oh my!), but things do need to be a bit in order to insure the flow. This might sound quite dramatic and it's not, but a lot of stuff happening around me has kept me worrying for weeks and though there has been tons of relief besides a lot of worries, my heart beats a bit faster these days because I've been stessing over things way too much. Just a reminder for myself to start yoga again (like, next week?), relax and breathe deep. (And sleep. Yes.)

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Life lately. 15/52

careaux — 2014-04-16T10:40:00Z

Today it's no words, just pictures.

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Life lately. 14/52

careaux — 2014-04-08T13:53:00Z

N and mini-me have caught the chickenpox and I (immune) have not left the apartment in almost a week, squeezing work in wherever possible while trying not to burst out in tears over all of this. The outside shots were taken last wednesday, on the way to a job. Shortly after, I found the first blisters on my baby. Dear 2014, please stop being so damn sick. The only good news are that I am going to Dresden and Leipzig for two days next week, sans bébé, but working around the clock.

(I am annoying myself with all the "we're sick... blabla..." updates. Seriously. From next week on, we'll be healthy and happy ever after.)

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Ach ja.

careaux — 2014-04-03T18:53:22Z

Liebe Betsi, leider rafft es uns gerade einfach immer und immer wieder dahin. Eigentlich bin ich NIE krank, in der Schwangerschaft das erste Mal überhaupt seit Jahren. Nun habe ich das Gefühl nicht länger als zwei Tage planen zu können, weil IMMER einer krank wird und wir dann alle Pläne ändern müssen. Aber es heißt ja, nach dem ersten Jahr in der Kita (in unserem Fall: Tagesmutter) wird es besser und die Kids sind nicht mehr so oft krank. Wir haben also nur noch knapp fünf Monate und gefühlte 26 Infekte vor uns... Haha. Alles Liebe dir und deiner Familie und ich hoffe Antons Infekt ist schon wieder ausgestanden. Tschakka.

Dear Pentax. (a crisis)

careaux — 2014-04-02T09:10:00Z

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Dear Pentax,

it's been a long love story between you and me. You were the first analogue slr camera I picked up as a teenager and actually felt comfortable with. You were with me from the beginning on. With you, I took my first shaky selfies in the bathroom, back in the US during my exchange school year. I love your handling, I love your look and I love the photos you give me, over and over again.

We went digital together, after our first analogue baby got stolen in southern France. I was always happy with you, and I have never cheated on you. I used you until you died, over and over again. And I recommended you to anyone who asked me for advice on a really good camera. I believe in you. In a really desperate moment right before going to Macedonia in the summer of 2010 when my old baby broke, you even decided the project was worth your support, and you gave me your flagship model camera, for free, and to keep. This christmas, we got myself your newest flagship model, because it felt so right. The noise and the autofocus are so much better, and I'm actually quite happy with it. BUT.

I feel like I need to go fullframe. I am hitting the limits here, and the price was not so low that I could ignore the fact that you crop off all my photos on the outside. You've done that for years, and I thought I didn't mind, but just now that I have used my friend's fullframe camera on a project, I realize what a difference it makes. Why have you slept so long? For the first time in our relationship, I think I might have to break up with you. It breaks my heart. But I feel like you are limiting my potential. Please tell me Pentax, are you going to release a fullframe camera soon? Because if not, I cannot waste my time anymore. I will leave you. And since leaving you will cost me a furtune, when I am gone, I won't come back. I am the only professional photographer I know who doesn't shoot with the big C or N. I am sure there are a few other ones out there, but probably they are losing faith in you, like me. I don't have the time to count on rumors. And I am impatient, because I feel enchained. I was loyal to you for 14 years and I still love you dearly, but why have you slept so long? You really need to start working a bit harder to keep me as your friend. Are you? Or no? Because if no, I will be gone very, very soon. And now Pentax, it's your turn. Tell me, because I'm serious.

Waiting for your response,
Carolin

Ach, so was Blödes, dass ihr wieder krank seid. Unser kleiner Anton hat seit gestern...

betsi (guest) — 2014-04-01T09:12:32Z

Ach, so was Blödes, dass ihr wieder krank seid. Unser kleiner Anton hat seit gestern Abend Fieber bzw. erhöhte Temperatur und ich kann gut mitfühlen, wie anstrengend es dann sein kann (vor allem wenn es sich so lange hinzieht). Werdet schnell gesund!

Life lately. 13/52

careaux — 2014-04-01T08:25:00Z

So after the sick week follows an almost healthy one. I worked my ass off these past days to catch up and actually got most of my stuff done. I spent a sunny saturday on a boat crusing Müggelsee and the lakes around with a group of drunken girls, which was absolutely amazing and so (!) relaxing. April will be good to me job-wise and will even involve a little bit of travelling. While editing the past week's photo shoots, I'm boosting my immune system with yellow, red and green smoothies and I really enjoy the beautiful weather outside. My eye is still red and swallen, but I hide it behind dark shades and just hope it's getting better soon. Have a wonderful week and stay healthy, y'all.

(And mini-me slept through the night last night. Believe it or not.)

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Life lately. 12/52

careaux — 2014-03-31T19:46:00Z

Ten days of sick mini-me have tied my hands last week and explain why I am one week late on life-latelies. The week was totally uneventful and exhausting, though I just love cuddeling up all day so what's there to complain? Sigh... Now I have caught my share of an eye infection, so hi there, sickness, once again.

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone (vsco and/or instagram)

Inspiration: It's no biggie.

careaux — 2014-03-30T08:55:00Z

I found this blog years ago and loved it but just recently rediscovered it and thought I'd share. It's no biggie shows self-drawn animated gifs of every day life scenes, brought to you by Berlin based artist Thoka Maer. Simple and yet so powerful. Check them out.

All animations: Thoka Maer via it's no biggie.

I get lost in these for hours.

18 Months.

careaux — 2014-03-25T16:10:00Z

Dear Mini-me,

you are one and a half today. After 10 days of bronchitis, an additional superinfection with nasty bacteria, an eye infection, four doctor visits and a whole lot of non-loved medicine, you are finally ok again. I am so exhausted from the past week and a half that I don't find the right words to write you a long and loving letter.

But I love you, dearly. More and more, every day. From now until forever.

♥

Life lately. 11/52

careaux — 2014-03-18T15:09:00Z

After a beautiful, sunny week with lots of outside time, some amazing shoots, a first slight sunburn from ~~trying to steer~~ steering a kite on Tempelhofer Feld alongside my lovely friend >>Lisa<<, it got cold and uncomfortable again. And of course, the weather swing made us sick, once again. Mini-me has an eye infection and an ugly cold and my throat is itching already, again. Sh*§! So once again, we are home, drinking lots of ginger tea and cuddling up. But what makes all that a bit more bearable is the one highlight of the past week: N. is back. Mini-me's reactions to being reunited with his beloved dad made my eyes watery and it is so so nice to be patched back up as the little family we are. We have been celebrating ever since.

Mini-me went to the potty for the very first time ever this morning and was so, so proud of his deeds. We are not planning to get through with this anytime soon, but it is so nice that he actually made the first step here and seemed so very happy about it. His new things are singing and dancing these days, my favourite toddler milestones so far! He definately got the groove, something I sadly can't say about myself. His tempers have calmed down a lot and he is very easy going and loving right now. I even dared to take a few walks with him this week and he neither tried to jump in the canal nor did he eat any dog poop. Yay!

I have some exciting jobs in the pipe and am happy to get back to getting things done for work now that I am not a single parent no more. Now we just all need to be more healthy. We are also planning a few days in Madrid sometime in April to visit >>Lily<< and are more than grateful for any insides or tips you might want to share in the comments... thanks!

(And a huge thanks to my friend >>Carmi<< who made it possible for me to blog today, because she managed to take mini-me on a romantic little date with her. Thank you, love!)

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

<3 Lisi.

careaux — 2014-03-13T10:24:42Z

<3 Lisi.

<3

Lisa (guest) — 2014-03-11T14:46:58Z

HHHAAAAAALLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Life lately. 10/52

careaux — 2014-03-11T12:24:00Z

Besides a ton of work (and a bit of procrastination), a few nervous breakdowns about the CHAOS in the house and the arrival of SPRING in Berlin (!!), last week was dominated by huge milestones my chubby ~~baby~~ toddler took. Mini-me is a bit late with about everything, a late crawler, walker, teether and talker (except of mama, papa and HAAAALLLOOO which was actually his first real word, months ago!) - but last week he just started talking like a champ. I don't mind him being late at all, but I sometimes got frustrated when all my playing and teaching and reading let to absolutely no reaction with him, so this is quite huge.

Within a week he learnt so many words (favourite: "more" and "hiiiiiiiigh" - expecting me to yell "five" and high-five him) and a bunch of animal sounds, with his favourite being the pig's oink - a lovely favourite, indeed. He started jumping on the bed and falling over into the pillows on purpose, loughing dirty like an old drunken man, expressing his ~~needs~~ wants quite specifically, exploring his body more and more (with his belly-button being his favourite, no question: that's my favourite, too) and also (sigh!) really realizing that his dad has been missing for quite a while now. This is especially precious and heart-breaking at the same time. Whenever I open my laptop, mini-me comes running and whispers "papapapapapapapapa", looking at me with his big, dark eyes, expecting N. to pop up on screen via Skype. When N. is actually there, he hugs and pets and kisses the screen, even sharing his snacks with his dad's virtual face. ♥

All photos: Carolin Weinkopd via iPhone

In der Überzahl.

careaux — 2014-03-06T09:48:00Z

Two and a half years ago, I took stills for the ZDF production "In der Überzahl" (English title: "Comrades of Fortune"). Written and directed by the amazing Carsten Ludwig and shot in the outskirts of Berlin, with two of my absolute favourite male actors of all time, Ulrich Thomsen and Max Mauff. It's not only an hour long duel between a teenage spree killer and his hostage but also a match between the two congenial actors.

The movie is part of the series "Das kleine Fernsehspiel", which gives aspiring directors the chance to realize movies with a bit less pressure to be commercially successful. I had a blast with a wonderful team and two absolutely beautiful subjects. And I am so happy to announce that the film will have its TV premiere next Monday, March 10th at 0:15am on ZDF. Watch out!

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf/ZDF

The Geekettes.

careaux — 2014-03-05T10:58:00Z

In February I met up with Jess and Denise - founders of the amazing Geekettes movement to connect women in tech - to take their portrait. They have been super successful in Berlin and Germany and are currently expanding the Geekettes all over the world. Cheers girls, and congratulations!

Photo: Carolin Weinkopf

Life lately. 8+9/52.

careaux — 2014-03-04T11:21:00Z

And another two busy weeks have passed by in a twinkle. I took a little time out after some crazy weeks of work but got knocked down by a terrible flu and am still not back in shape all the way. You know taking care of a crazy toddler doesn't really give you the chance to recover when sick. Argh.

My mom sponsored mini-me and I a pricy flight to come visit the family over the weekend, to recover and to introduce mini-me to karneval (though he only wore his supercute lady bug costume for about five minutes and wasn't all that into it...). Today is the first day I finally feel significantly better (but still quite far from good). I really hope I will be back on track within the next few days and am so happy that mini-me's immune system seems to fight more efficient than mine these days. I have a lot of recent work and some features in the pipe and am excited to share over the course of the week. Happy tuesday and you all stay healthy, please!

All photos: Carolin Weinkopf via iPhone

Danke Betsi...

careaux — 2014-02-21T22:31:11Z

Thank you Verena!

careaux — 2014-02-21T22:30:51Z

I definately had a terrible and unbelievably crazy birth BUT 5 minutes until he popped out, I said I'd do it again. I hope, one day, I will. <3